Joy to the 4 am Wake-up Call

I never thought I would be happy to be wide awake at 4 am, but it has happened.

Baby Ben slept from 7 am to 4 am. Joy! Joy! Joy!

I am actually starting to like motherhood.

Square Breathing

Dr. Joy Brown, renowned talk-show radio therapist, advices square breathing for those of us with emotional ills. You breath in for four seconds, hold it for four seconds, exhale for four, and wait for four before starting again. I tried it. Once. Didn't work.

So know I am off to the doctor to talk about my unique little "quirks." It will be fun, I'm sure, but it is going to be a long summer if I am driven crazy every time a dog barks or a kid is playing too loudly. I really think I want to try hypnosis, too.

I looked up the woman I am going to see today, and I did not like her picture. Shallow, shallow, shallow. Then I realized she had a background in eastern medicine, too, and she had even attended a hypnosis conference. I am a bit more optimistic.

I think I will try square breathing at least one more time, too.

They are the Future

I returned to work after three months home with Baby Ben, and I have already been reminded of why I teach. It is so rewarding to see the progress that kids make through the years.


My colleague and I shared a student who decided to fly the high school coop early and head over to Japan for college. He came by to say goodbye to me and left a note for Sarah. It read: "It was good to know you! I am off to collige!"

It Hurts So Good

If you need to laugh- really laugh, not just courtesy laugh- then go cross country skiing. Unless you are good at it, it is one of the funniest things a couple can do.

Charley surprised me yesterday with a x-country ski date. I have more experience than Charley does in this activity, and I let him know about my extensive x-country background as we drove to the park.

"I used to ski all the time at Afton State Park. I love the hills there. It's such a great workout," I told him confidently.

Somehow we ended up on the only black diamond trail in the park, and it got to the point where Charley had fallen down so many times that he took off his skis and walked.

I, on the other hand, faired much better on this trail. I had to look away from him because I was laughing so hard at his clumsiness. I really thought I was going to have an accident in my pants.

"Good job honey," I encouraged him tenderly every time I was able to stop laughing.

I had a lot more trouble, however, on the easier trails.

After my successful navigation of the hills on the black diamond, I proceeded to take one fall after another for the remaining hour of our date. Pretty soon Charley was giving me instructions, which is usually how it works in our house anyway.

One of my more graceful spills occurred as my skis somehow left the groomed tracks of the trail and took me into a field of prickly thorn bushes.

I was laughing so hard that I did have an accident in my pants.

At that point we decided to call it a day.

"It actually made me feel a lot better when you started to fall," Charley told me as we made our way back to the car.

I was glad that my inability to ski as well as I thought I could brought joy to my dear husband.

It Doesn't Count if You Buy Them With Change

After putting Benjamin to bed for the third time last night I started thinking Charley and I need a vacation.

We have been lucky to travel a bit together to Portland, Paris, and more local places. This summer we are headed to New York state for the wedding of his brother and lovely fiance.

These days, however, I have become almost dependent on my vacations to Starbucks. I strap little guy into the car seat and head to the Starbucks drive-thru for my daily small, non-fat, decaf, real chocolate (not sugar-free) mocha. With little guy usually asleep we tool around town, listen to the radio and enjoy the quiet.

It would only be better if I could figure out how to sleep, drive, and drink coffee all at once.

I realize that with the money I spend on these things we could afford a real vacation in less than a year.

I have convinced myself that if I can find enough change around the house and not actually use the money in my wallet to pay for them then it does not really count.

For now, though, I am sticking to my mini vacations. During these months of sleepless nights I am giving myself a break.

Who Really Needs Sleep?

Things to do when your three month old wakes up four times between the hours of 12 am and 4:30 am:
1. Cry
2. Chew gum
3. Get excited for breakfast
4. Want to cry but not cry
5. Be grateful that hopefully you will be able to someday make another mom feel better when you tell her that your child slept horribly, too

I guess I will never be one of those moms I have met who has so pleasantly told me, "My little baby slept through the night at six weeks." I really want to tell these women to shut up.

Even if Benjamin did sleep through the night (and sleeping through the night means 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep), I wouldn't brag about it. It's not like I really would have anything to do with it if he did.

On a happier note...

I have become much better about turning the fan off in the bathroom as Charley has asked me to do. Of course yesterday, I managed to turn off the television and all three radios I had on at the same time in different rooms just before he came in the door.

World's Biggest Ball O' Paper Towel

Since having Ben I have realized how wasteful I am, and that the earth is indeed limited in its capacity to store my garbage.

I have a paper towel addiction. I go though paper towels like smokers do cigarettes. Easily a roll a day if I let myself get carried away. Every time I see anything that resembles dirt or a stain I paper towel it.

I've started saving these towels. If they are not too dirty, say I only had to wipe up a little coffee stain, I put it in a drawer with its counterparts. It still has two, maybe three, more wipes in it.

Ideally, I will remember that I have a drawer filled with these little jewels, and I will reach into it the next time I see a spill.

As of now, I keep forgetting they are there, and instead have a quickly growing collection of hardly soiled paper towels which I will probably feel too guilty to throw away until Charley makes me.

Parking Spots in the Kitchen

Charley and I were talking about a mutual friend who has been living with a woman for over a year. They are not romantically involved, but I said that they were basically like a couple in their 5th or sixth year of marriage- familiar, comfortable and predictable. Charley disagreed and pointed out that they get annoyed with each other all the time.

And how is that not like a married couple?

The rest of conversation went as follows:

ME: "So you're not annoyed when I put salt on my yogurt and my bagel?" I asked him.

C: "I think it is just silly."

ME: "And your not annoyed when I sweep all the dirt into a little corner in the kitchen and let it sit there for two days before throwing it away?" I asked.

C: "No. that's your parking spot for it all."

Me: "And you don't mind that I have to sleep with a fan on?"

C: "I don't even here it anymore."

ME: "And it doesn't bug you that I put way too many clothes in the washing machine when I do the wash?"

C: "You do that??"

ME: "Yes."

He did say that I needed to work on turning the lights off when I was not using them. I think I've been grossly misreading his reactions to my behavior.

Helmets Aren't Just for Kids

I used to think I was not a control freak. Since I've been married, Charley has pointed out that I may have some issues involving the word "control". These issues have leached into many areas of my life, including the most basic cuddle positions.

I am acutely aware of the status of my bangs during the day, and anything that jeopardizes their shape is to be avoided.

Charley refers to my bangs as my hair helmet. I do go a little crazy with the hairspray, but I am a child of the 80s and have carried the tradition of perfectly coiffed bangs (as I see them) into the 21st century.

When cuddling on the coach now, Charley avoids my bangs, for his own safety. I would never lash out at him for disturbing their shape, but they do have some very sharp edges.